Bruxpat: Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing?

In 2011 I have been invited to 7 weddings. Seven!

For the statistics, one was in Belgium, one in Germany, one in France and four were in Italy. All of them involved intra- European citizens-weddings, but only three of them involved same-nationality partners. I finally attended "only" four, or more precisely four and a half as I missed one due to a fire on the left engine of my plane (so let's consider I half attended as I at least bothered to board and the captain bothered to keep us in the air for over two hours, except that we took off and landed at the exact same airport, but that is a detail). If we then want to really pump up the statistics, then count also my wedding - which I advertized very well but failed to organize (another detail). So that brings us at eight weddings and 2011 is not finished yet and I haven't been invited to Kate and Will's wedding.

Eight weddings I was saying. At this point, I think I am in a good position to share some comments on the institution of marriage and wedding parties.

Marriage. That is something I still do not understand fully. Looking through various dictionaries I found the most different definitions. However they all agree in saying that it is about a contract and implies some festivities. I have been asking to my married friends why did they decide to tie the knot. Have you ever asked?

For most part I got inconclusive answers - which seemed like they were put up to this against their full will. For the rest I got a number of valid motivations with very antithetic ethical underpinnings and approaches:

1) Material-based answer: We wanted to have a big party .

2) Legal-based answer: We wanted to sort out visa problems.

3) Evolutionary-based answer: We thought it was a natural evolution.

4) Feelings-based answer: It was romantic.

5) Security-based answer: It brings the responsibilities to the next level.

6) Social protection-based answer: It covers you up economically.

My personal view on marriage has evolved over time. Until my mid-20s I thought it was a masochist way to kill your own freedom. Although I found the person I wanted to share the rest of my days with, I thought it was completely out of fashion. Then it occurred to me that it might have been something I wanted to consider. In my case it all happened very fast. In 3 weeks time. I was about to leave Brussels for 18 months and move in one of those central African countries few of my friends were able to pinpoint on a map. I was posted in a non-family destination, so no way my partner could follow. Tragic under many different angles, but professionally exciting. As I was the one leaving I thought I had to prove my commitment and came out with two options: get my partner's name tattooed on my arm or ask him to become my husband. I sincerely though the first option was very romantic and artistic but my 3 best friends advised against it - basically they thought that was a BAD, bad idea. Which left me with the second option. So I did propose, in front of the Taj Mahal, and he did accept (actually he proposed pretty much at the same time but I had 1 minute of advance). All well, all romantic. So how comes that 11 months after I am still not married? How comes?

Have YOU ever tried to organize a wedding? I naively thought it was about love but once more I was wrong. It is about the worst nightmare of your life. It is about writing up a list of friends and having to erase half of them, it is about bringing two families together and agree on what you might think are details but then turn out to be life-or-death decisions. It is about negotiating, getting bothered and make irreconcilable compromises. And it all costs a lot of money. How did it end? I never moved from Brussels, we never got married and probably won't do that till 2045 and yes friends and family are still constantly asking for a date. I have turned from a bride to be into an eternal fiancee. After all, Minnie wasn't Mickey Mouse's eternal girlfriend? I think they lived happy ever after.

That is to say I am not against the institution of marriage, I just think it is too much for me. Which makes me think that I am lucky as at least I have the possibility to decide whether I want get married or not. Have you ever thought about the sad reality that marriage across Europe - not to say on planet earth- seems to be the exclusive right of heterosexuals?

What is all this fuss around homosexual marriage, I do wonder? Why my gay friends cannot get married if they wish so? As an American humorist once said: "It’s very dear to me, the issue of gay marriage. Or as I like to call it: ‘marriage.’ You know, because I had lunch this afternoon, not gay lunch. I parked my car; I didn’t gay park it." Don't you think? Since 2003, Belgium has legally recognized same sex marriage. To me that is not a matter of being progressive, 'tolerant' (!) or open-minded. It is about equal rights for all. At the time, Belgium was the second country in the world to take this step. That is one of the (many) reasons why I am most proud that Belgium is my chosen home.

Enough for marriage, but what about wedding parties? Uoahh let's open the Pandora box! I have been to posh weddings, Protestant weddings, country-style weddings, Jewish-weddings, bad taste weddings, Catholic weddings, big-fat weddings, alternative weddings. From splurge to budget weddings the only thing I learned is that throwing a party shall not mislead you. After all is about love and joy and that is what you will remember. If you are about to organize your own wedding party, and about to get crazy here the only two tips I feel to share:

1. Keep your sense of humor, go to a book shop and have a look at: "Scenes from an Impeding Marriage. A Prenuptial Memoir" by cartoonist Adriane Tomine .

2. Find inspiration and get lost in this fab blog: Once Wed